This is not a cry for help. This is not an attempt to make you comfortable. This is the ledger of a Black man who has done everything “right” – served in combat, raised children, worked with excellence, traveled the globe, given to the church, created for humanity – only to be robbed, dismissed, silenced, and betrayed at every turn. I wrote In and Out of Darkness to share my truth, and even that was stolen, ignored or buried.

What follows is not just my story. It’s the cost of surviving in a world that celebrates my culture while crushing my existence. And I’m asking the question no one wants to hear: Why should I show up tomorrow?

I’ve spent my entire life following rules written by vampires – people who drain and consume without ever seeing their reflection in the damage they cause. They move through the world with immunity, armed with an endless supply of “get out of accountability” passes, while those who look like me live under a permanent tan of envy. Every insult, stereotype, and slur ever thrown at my people describes behaviors that non-melanated folks display daily without consequence.

I’ve been blamed, interrogated, poked, prodded, and persecuted. I’ve poured time and energy into the church of Black despair – praying, serving, giving – only to learn that the sanctuary I thought was promised is built on conditions and selective protection.

I’ve tried to raise two children with my hands tied behind my back while their mother committed fraud and abuse unchecked. I’ve applied for and excelled in jobs, only to find my commitment to excellence was treated like a threat by those who inherited their opportunities.

No Safe Haven

I’ve traveled the globe chasing the dream of leaving America’s hate behind – only to find its epidemic had already crossed the borders and seas. The treatment abroad is just less violent, but the bias still whispers through every interaction.

I’ve been in relationships with people who don’t look like me, hoping love could bridge the divide. But too often, I was there for their thrill, not their journey, not a solution. They wanted the excitement of my Blackness without the responsibility of standing with it. Too often still supporting those who hated me, or they failed to grasp the extra and extreme miles I have to walk just to stand in the same place and treated as an “equal.”

The Cost of Doing Everything Right

I’ve played sports. I’ve excelled in school, only to be labeled a threat or troublemaker for daring to see clearly and speak truths.

I’ve purchased homes worth over a million dollars, yet been denied a 10,000 EUR loan. I’ve been robbed by contractors, realtors, and attorneys who were supposed to work in my interest – each one taking my money and burning me without blinking. I’ve proven fraud, only to be told, You won’t win that in court.

I’ve been robbed by and had my life threatened by the police. When wearing a Taylor made suit, I’ve been followed through stores while actually watching people who don’t look like me walk out with stolen goods.

I am still fighting for military benefits I earned after being injured in a combat zone, while watching others who’ve never seen a battlefield – and who don’t look like me – get rewarded without question.

The Exploitation Industry

Why should I not be vengeance? After all, it’s apparently okay if you don’t look like me – just check the box office sales from Hollywood’s favorite “vengeance” franchises.

I even wrote my first book – In and Out of Darkness – to explain and share my Black experience of surviving America. TellWell Publishing took my money, and major companies like Borders refused to put it on their shelves, claiming it “wasn’t for their readers.” This, after they accidentally listed it among their new possible bestsellers.

The same people who told me for years, You should write a book, wouldn’t even open it. My spouse ran cover for her inner circle (a collective of different professionals) with excuses like, “They don’t read,” or, “It’s not their thing.” And of course – not one of them carried a permanent tan.

I’ve reached out to influencers with massive platforms, the ones making careers and income off “speaking out” about Black pain. Not a single one has responded. Some even blocked me for even requesting to chat. And yet, when a white man or woman talks about racism and inequality, they’re called amazing, brave, well-spoken – and yes, they get invited to the cookout. But when a Black man speaks from lived experience, suddenly he’s “angry” or “aggressive.”

Make it make sense.

Why Show Up Tomorrow?

I’ve given to the church without protection. Paid taxes without government defense. I’ve worked toward a better humanity, only for my contributions to be turned into yesterday’s forgotten page in seconds.

So what’s left to motivate me to keep doing the right thing? The church won’t shield me. The government won’t defend me, even after wearing the uniform and obtaining life long injuries. Karma is nowhere to be found while thieves and corruption flourish. (Trumps) (Mobs) (Trafficker’s) (Feminists) (Politicians) (Colonizers) …

I’ve spent my life trying to make a real difference, only to be met with theft, betrayal, and indifference. I’ve watched my work for humanity turned into a forgotten footnote in seconds.

So I ask again: why should I show up tomorrow, just to feed a system that sucks the soul out of the good?

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