By Patrick Hardeman – In and Out of Darkness

Somewhere along the way, parenting got rebranded.

Not upgraded. Not improved.

Rebranded.

The modern marketing slogan seems to be: “Don’t be a parent – be your child’s best friend.”

Now listen, friendship is wonderful. I love my friends. My friends also don’t get to burn the house down, throw a tantrum in aisle seven, or threaten the stability of society without consequences.

But today, discipline has been mistaken for cruelty, structure has been labeled oppression, and accountability has been thrown out the window like last year’s New Year’s resolution.

Welcome to the age of the Anti-Parent.

You know the type.

The Anti-Parent is the adult who decided to bring a child into the world and somehow concluded that society now owes them a standing ovation for doing so.

Apparently the bar has been lowered from “raise a productive human being” to “I had sex and a baby showed up – where’s my trophy?”

Meanwhile the child is running through life like a Roomba with a cracked sensor – bumping into everything, learning nothing, and occasionally knocking over something valuable.

And the Anti-Parent’s response?

“Don’t judge my child.”

No one is judging the child.

We’re judging the lack of parenting.

Parenting used to mean preparing a child for life – teaching them discipline, responsibility, emotional control, and the ability to function in a world that does not revolve around their feelings.

Today it often means something else entirely.

It means projecting your own personality, insecurities, and unfinished dreams onto someone who didn’t ask to carry them.

Instead of asking, “What does my child need to become a healthy adult?” the question has become:

“What do I like?”

Then that gets pushed onto the kid like a subscription service they never signed up for.

Sports they hate.

Music they don’t care about.

Movies or shows they have no business watching.

Beliefs they haven’t had the chance to question.

And then twenty years later everyone looks confused when that same child becomes an adult who has absolutely no idea who they are.

Well of course they don’t.

Their personality was under parental management until adulthood.

And that’s only half of the Anti-Parent epidemic.

The other half shows up when the child somehow survives the chaos and becomes successful despite the parenting they received.

Now suddenly the Anti-Parent appears at the podium like a proud investor.

“Oh that’s my chid. They got that from me.”

Interesting.

Where were you when they were building discipline?

Where were you when they were working overtime?

Where were you when they were fixing the emotional damage caused by years of instability?

But the moment success shows up, the Anti-Parent suddenly becomes the CEO of the operation.

“Everything they have is because of me.”

That’s a fascinating theory considering the child had to raise themselves half the time; if not most of the time.

Then there’s the final stage of Anti-Parent behavior – the one that really deserves its own documentary.

The Lifetime Withdrawal Plan.

Some parents never stop using their children as a personal resource.

Emotionally.

Financially.

Psychologically.

It doesn’t matter how old the child becomes – 25, 35, 50 – the expectation remains the same.

“You owe me.”

Now let’s clear something up.

Children don’t owe their parents for being born.

DNA donors made that decision.

No contract was signed in the womb.

No baby popped out and said, “Yes, I agree to provide emotional and financial compensation for the next 40 years.”

Parenthood was never supposed to be a retirement strategy.

A real parent’s job is the opposite.

Your job is to make your child strong enough not to need you.

To prepare them to stand on their own feet.

To give them opportunities you didn’t have.

To remove obstacles rather than become one.

If your child grows up and becomes productive, healthy, and independent – that’s the reward.

You don’t take from them!

You celebrate them.

Too many people today want credit for the title of “parent” without doing the work that comes with it.

And society doesn’t help.

We’ve created entire holidays dedicated to celebrating people for simply reproducing.

Which is fascinating when you think about it.

No one throws a parade for someone who raises a child with discipline, emotional intelligence, and accountability.

But have a baby and suddenly it’s brunch reservations, greeting cards, and social media tributes.

Let me suggest a different celebration.

Instead of celebrating the act of having children, maybe we should celebrate the act of raising them well.

Celebrate the parent who teaches responsibility.

Celebrate the parents who tells their child “no” when it matters.

Celebrate the parent who prepares their child to thrive without needing to be carried forever.

Because here’s the uncomfortable truth.

Just because a person came from a body – male or female – does not automatically make you a good parent.

Or even a decent one.

Parenting is not biology.

Parenting is behavior.

And the sooner more adults accept that responsibility, the sooner we’ll stop producing generations of confused adults who are still trying to untangle the damage done by people who wanted the title of parent without growing up enough to become one.

so here’s the challenge.

If you chose to bring a child into the world, then be the adult first.

Not their best friend.

Not their fan club.

Not their dependent.

Their parent.

Because it was never the child’s job to raise you.

A parent’s greatest success isn’t being needed forever – it’s raising someone strong enough to walk forward without you.

But the way people avoid accountability didn’t start with parenting. I saw versions of it in institutions much bigger than families. I’ll talk about that next.

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