In today’s cultural climate, the term “toxic masculinity“ is often used as a blanket condemnation of male behavior. It started as a critique of harmful traits like aggression, emotional suppression, or dominance. But somewhere along the line, it stopped targeting behaviors and started targeting men themselves. Masculinity, in many circles, is now viewed not as a trait that can be expressed healthily or poorly but as inherently flawed.

Let’s be clear: lack of empathy – these behaviors should be called out, regardless of who displays them. But what happens when those same behaviors are judged differently based on gender?

A man raises his voice in a heated moment – he’s aggressive and threatening. A woman does the same – she’s “finally standing up for herself.“ A man makes a poor decision in a relationship – he’s called emotionally unavailable or manipulative. A woman makes the same decision – she’s “finding herself“ or “setting-boundaries.” A man admits he’s not prepared to be a father to an unborn child, he’s a deadbeat and forced to pay time and money to support said child for a minimum of 18–22 years. However, if a woman says she the same or doesn’t want to ruin her body with a child and have an abortion or take a over–the–counter Plan B and she’s a strong woman, not a killer of a defenseless child.

This is not equality. It’s a double standard.

We often hear that men need to be more vulnerable and more emotionally available. But when they are, they’re frequently met with open public mockery, disinterest, or even disgust. Society tells men to open up, then ridicules them when they do. Meanwhile, women are praised for expressing a full range of emotions, even when those emotions turn toxic – jealousy, rage, passive aggression – under the guise of empowerment. For the past few generations, many women have been training their son’s to be more feminine and their daughters more masculine. As time goes on, the amnesia of one’s actions are deleted from memory, and those same women go onto public platforms ridiculing the very same new men they themselves developed. So you make a product, accept all the praises just for having the title of mother, then blame the final product when it doesn’t produce as expected.

So now it’s worth noting how accountability is unevenly distributed. If a man cheats, he’s a monster/pig/dog. If a woman cheats, the narrative often shifts to asking what the man did wrong to “push her away.“ If a father fails his children, he’s vilified. When a mother does, she’s struggling or in need of support. Here’s some public stats to chew on: Children in homes where fathers have been removed, there’s 71% of high–school dropouts, 2x the average of two parent homes; 85% of youths in prison grew up in fatherless homes, 20x the national average; Juvenile delinquency and violence are 30–40% more common; 85% of children with behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes, 20x national average; juvenile murderers or rapists 10–14x more likely; 63% of youth suicides are in fatherless homes; 90% of runaways/homeless in fatherless homes. Before people try to yell why did the man leave, the U.S. court system is designed to enhance women’s power and breaking qualified fathers with kids by awarding the mother’s custody in 80% of cases. This is regardless of the father’s ability to provide a home for the child; because if/when a woman isn’t in a position to provide a foundation for the children the courts will take it from the fathers and we all act like the mothers are continually doing it on their own with their subsidized living; starting from the, I had sex now take care of my responsibilities *baby shower*.

This imbalance creates confusion and resentment. It feeds a culture where men feel silenced and unfairly judged and where women are infantilized rather than treated as equals capable of owning their actions.

It’s time to move beyond slogans and start having honest conversations. Masculinity, like femininity, has both light and shadow. Leadership, protection, and resilience are masculine traits that should be respected, not labeled as inherently oppressive. Likewise, empathy, nurturing, and sensitivity aren’t exclusive to women and should be encouraged in everyone. Equality means holding everyone to the same standard, not shifting blame or praise depending on gender. Real growth begins when we stop vilifying masculinity and start challenging toxic behavior wherever it shows up.

Implications for Accountability and Discourse

1. True equality demands gender-specific recognition: We must acknowledge men’s victimization while recognizing women’s disproportionate experiences of harm and control.
2. Severity matters: Emotional aggression affects both genders similarly, but the level of physical and coercive violence diverges sharply.
3. Child protection needs nuance: Statistics showing mothers as primary perpetrators reflect caregiving roles- not necessarily greater intent or capacity for harm.
4. Reframe the narrative on “toxic masculinity”: Holding individual accountable should focus on behavior– not gender- and ensure seriousness aligns with severity, not societal bias.

All too often clear information is chosen to be left out of the math equation of accountability, especially if that person happens to be non–male. We just passed one of the least respected holidays of the year, Father’s Day. The standard male has weight on their shoulders from childhood accepting accountability or people’s thoughts and criticisms. At the same time, the standard female is given selective correction and an abundance of excuses for substandard behaviors; all while rewarded from the double standards. Masculinity is absolutely needed to keep the world revolving throughout the infrastructures that maintain our daily living. Also, for those that expect their lives to be paid for just for showing up, like free entry to the club before 10, countless free meals, trips, closet items, etc. But what seems to be the catalyst of a multitude of problems is when the verbalization of one’s very own actions come in to play, and somehow that person is being attacked. It’s long been time for the honest conversation of human equality and not using the small 1% group of males as the reason to castrate the other 99%. There are plenty of good men out there, but they don’t get the headlines. So, Happy Father’s Day, for those owning the title for 365 and doing it regardless of lacking recognition or appreciation.

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