By Patrick Hardeman – In and Out of Darkness

Allow me invite to you into my mind – world for a moment. Don’t worry, it’s mostly organized chaos with good lighting.

I’m great with people.

I just don’t like all of them.

Now before that sounds cold, give me a second.

I can walk into almost any room, shake hands, read the energy, hold a meaningful conversation, and make people feel comfortable. That’s not luck, that’s a skill. One built over years of paying attention, adapting, and learning how humans operate.

But here’s the part they don’t tell you about becoming good with people.

The better you get at understanding people, the more you start to see, people.

You see who’s genuine, and who’s performing. You notice compliments that come with invisible contracts attached. You recognize jealousy dressed up as curiosity. You catch the subtle “let me see how far I can push you” energy.

It’s like upgrading your vision… and realizing some of what you’ve been looking at ain’t that pretty or handsome.

And once you start seeing clearly, something shifts.

You stop showing up the same way.

Because here’s a truth we don’t talk about enough:

Every interaction has a cost…

Every conversation, every favor, “quick minute”; there’s a bill attached.

And for a long time, I was out here running emotional and mental overdrafts.

Giving energy I didn’t have.

Offering creativity, focus, time; like I had an unlimited supply.

News flash: I don’t

Neither do you.

Everything we give comes from the same source – one nervous system, one mind, one body. And when that system is constantly being drained by people who were never going to pour back into you…

That’s not generosity. That’s mismanagement.

And it’s not sustainable under any metric.

So naturally… my circle got smaller.

Not because I’m bitter.

Not because I got hurt and decided to build emotional Fort Knox.

And definitely not because I suddenly think I’m better than anyone.

It got smaller because I got wiser.

I realized my energy isn’t infinite – it’s a resource.

And every resource, when misused, becomes a liability.

Even purpose can burn out if it’s consistently being siphoned by the wrong people.

Let’s bring it home for a second.

Even Jesus, who could literally taught thousands; kept His inner circle to twelve.

Twelve.

And even then… He still stepped away from them to be alone, to reset, to pray, to get clarity.

If He needed boundaries… what makes us think don’t?

We’ve been sold this idea that being a “good person” means being available to everyone.

That saying yes equals kindness. That access equals love.

No.

Access is not love. Access is responsibility.

And everybody is not qualified to hold that responsibility.

So let me say it plain:

Being good with people is a skill.

Being selective with people is wisdom.

The goal was never to like everyone.

The goal is to show up full – for the people who actually matter.

And you can’t do that if your energy is being drained by people who don’t deserve a seat, let alone a say.

So protect your energy.

Not out of fear.

Not out of ego.

But out of understanding.

Because if your purpose matters…

Then your energy is not optional.

It’s essential.

And anything essential…

should never be given away carelessly.

Take a moment and look at your circle. Not who’s been around the longest… But who’s been pouring back into you.

Now ask yourself honestly–

Who has access…

That hasn’t earned it?

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